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 veryhotthread  Author  Topic: Dumb blond jokes  (Read 4619 times)
logan
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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #30 on: Jul 11th, 2008, 10:14am »

Here's a couple more since, yet again I'm still bored. You'd think my boss would give me something to do, wouldn't you?

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning. Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

AND

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.
« Last Edit: Jul 11th, 2008, 10:15am by logan » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #31 on: Jul 29th, 2008, 03:10am »

***EDITED: This post has been edited for violating forum rules. ***
« Last Edit: Jul 30th, 2008, 11:20pm by Blue Dragon » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #32 on: Aug 27th, 2008, 08:56am »

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida huh??'
CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and=20yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO.....,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'
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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #33 on: Sep 2nd, 2008, 12:33pm »

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

« Last Edit: Sep 2nd, 2008, 12:33pm by logan » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #34 on: Mar 11th, 2009, 4:11pm »

A blonde gets on a plane in economy class, during the flight she moves up and sits in a first class seat. The stewardess tells her that she must go back to her seat in economy. The blonde says, "No way, I staying here because I am going to Seattle" The stewardess tries again to get the blonde to go back to her seat. Again the blonde refuses, stating that she is going to Seattle. Finally, the stewardess talks to the pilot, the pilot says he will talk to the blonde because his wife is a blonde and he can speak the language. The pilot whispers in the blonde's ear and she goes back to the economy class. When the stewardess asks the pilot what he said to the blonde to make this happen, the pilot responds with, " I told her first class is not going to Seattle."
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logan
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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #35 on: Jul 13th, 2010, 08:59am »

During a company’s
recent password audit,
it was found that a
blonde employee
was using the following
password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she
had such a long password,
She said she was told
that it had to be at least
8 characters long
and include
at least one
capital.
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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #36 on: Oct 15th, 2010, 05:50am »

What do you call a braincell inside a blondes headhuh

Tourist smiley
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Pierwsza randka
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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #37 on: Jan 5th, 2012, 9:50pm »

Okay...to be fair...I'm going to post jokes for brunettes, blonds and redheads. cheesy I'm a brunette by the way.

For redheads:



I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife
The clerk was putting the finishing touches on my bouquet order
A young man burst through the door
He breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses
"I'm sorry," the clerk said
"This man just ordered our last bunch"
The desperate customer turned to me and begged
"May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked
"Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided
"My wife's a redhead and I broke her hard drive!"

She Can't Sign On To AOL



For blonds:

Yell for Help
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."



Finally, for brunettes:


Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their mustache.


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« Last Edit: Jan 5th, 2012, 9:55pm by FastDebrid » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #38 on: Jan 12th, 2012, 6:05pm »

These are pretty good jokes. Most I haven't read about until I came here at http://www.conforums.com
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xx Re: Dumb blond jokes
« Reply #39 on: May 15th, 2017, 03:49am »

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